Episode 58: 4 Keys for GREAT Communication with Your Husband // What to do when your Parenting Styles and Beliefs Differ
Prov. 31: 11-12, 26
11Her husband can trust her,
and she will greatly enrich his life.
12She brings him good, not harm,
all the days of her life.
26When she speaks, her words are wise,
and she gives instructions with kindness.
Plan a good time to talk—when does he have bandwidth? Don’t spring big decisions on him. Give him a heads up on the topic if needed.
Don’t use foul or abusive language. Let everything you say be good and helpful, so that your words will be an encouragement to those who hear them.
Be respectful—because the Bible says so. Our husbands are wired for respect
Ephesians 5:33 NLT “So again I say, each man must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.”
“Then keep your tongue from speaking evil and your lips from telling lies!”
Psalms 34:13 NLT
“They sharpen their tongues like swords and aim their bitter words like arrows.”
Psalms 64:3 NLT
Be clear on what you need
He’s not a mind reader!
Guys are wired to be protectors and “fixers”
If we don’t explain what we need, they will either try to figure out what it is (and probably be wrong, spouse predictions are only right 35% of the time), or feel helpless and react to us in whatever way they react to triggers (shut down, anger, etc.)
Figure out WHAT you need (to be heard? Help with a specific chore? To feel connected? To solve a problem or answer a question?)
Listen to understand
“Gentle words are a tree of life; a deceitful tongue crushes the spirit.”
Proverbs 15:4 NLT
“The tongue can bring death or life; those who love to talk will reap the consequences.”
Proverbs 18:21 NLT
QUESTION TIME
What do I do if my husband and I have different parenting styles/beliefs?
You’ll never think alike, but you can think together.
Make sure the things you’re standing for are Biblical and not just preference
2 Tim 3: 16-17 TPT
16God has transmitted his very substance into every Scripture, for it is God-breathed. It will empower you by its instruction and correction, giving you the strength to take the right direction and lead you deeper into the path of godliness. 17Then you will be God’s servant, fully mature and perfectly prepared to fulfill any assignment God gives you.
If there’s a difference in spiritual maturity or understanding, if husband is not a believer, PRAY!!!
1 Cor 7:14, 16 NLT
14For the believing wife brings holiness to her marriage, and the believing husband brings holiness to his marriage. Otherwise, your children would not be holy, but now they are holy.
16Don’t you wives realize that your husbands might be saved because of you?
Find agreement on the big things, and release him from the expectation that he’s going to do everything your way on everything else. Dads are different than moms.
Support each other in front of the kids (even if you don’t fully agree) work parenting differences out in private.